Worthy of Love Wednesday
This is a continuation of my daily blog this week of Valentine’s Day, 2020 about the many aspects of love. Today is Wednesday, February 12th
Who is worthy of love? You.
Really. You are worthy of love. I look at what people want and need. Babies, toddlers, teens, young adults, adults: it does not matter what stage of life a person is in…every person needs and deserves and it worthy of love.
Is that difficult for you to hear and understand? I think about people that get on my nerves, people that have done horrible things, do they deserve love. The short answer? Yes.
At the end of many yoga classes, the instructor will say, “Namaste. The light in me honors the light in you.” If you are not in they yoga class at that moment, maybe that phrasing sounds strange or really doesn’t make sense. The light in me? The light in you? What does that mean?
Light is a word that regardless of beliefs or understanding seems to encompass what is in a person when he or she is alive. Their light, their soul, their essence. Maybe that sounds strange, but it’s true. A person cannot be just defined by their physical body. And that moment at the end of a yoga session where each of us takes just a moment to acknowledge that no matter what we see, there is something inside us that is the exact same. That light, that soul, acknowledges the light and souls of others. In a way, that is love. That moment of honor and respect is a moment of love, even if I do not know the name of the person I am honoring.
Every person deserves love and is worthy of love. But what about the abusive person? The one who hurts others, the narcissistic person, the one who will do whatever it takes to reach his or her goals without regard for anyone else? Do they deserve love? They aren’t in yoga class honoring the light of others. They are back stabbing jerks who cannot be trusted.
Ah. Now we are getting into more difficult territory. Are these people worthy of love? The short answer is yes. But the longer answer needs explanation. Every person is worthy of love, but love is not a feeling. It is not warm and fuzzy. It is not a bunch of flowers or candy or the color red or pink. Love is a choice that needs to be made every day. A choice to always put another person’s best interest ahead of one’s own. The man or woman who abuses another person’s love still deserves love, but that will mean a choice to help them at a distance. That can be a difficult decision. That person still needs and deserves love, but that love will look very, very different than the love that can be given to a person who does not abuse love.
Love is free. That sounds great, but that means it can’t be bought, it can’t be forced. It can’t be something given one day and taken away the next day. That’s not love. I think it is interesting how many people end up splitting or divorced, but no matter what are always there for their kids. It’s a choice. They put their kids ahead of their own wants. Why don’t they do that for the person that they swore was the most important person in their life? This sounds like I am judging people and I want to be clear that I am not saying that a person needs to stay in an abusive relationship because he or she promised to do so.
But love doesn’t give up when it’s not easy. A good parent doesn’t tell a kid, “it’s too bad you need food and clothes, I’m more important than you, so you just have to take care of yourself.” That would be terrible, but people seem to do that all the time in a relationship, “Oh you need and want help and support? Well, I’m more important. Take care of yourself.”
Love is not easy and it is so much work. It might seem a silly example, but when I was engaged to my husband, there was a day he wasn’t feeling well. I had gone to work for the full day and then I was at the gym about to start working out, when I got a text from him. I asked him if there was anything I could do and he asked if I could pick up a couple of burritos for him. I stood there for a minute and thought, “I just got here. He’s been at home all day…why do I have to go get him burritos?” And of course the answer was there in front of me. Because I loved him. It was not convent for me and I would have to wait to work out until later. But he told me thank you and later when he told the story to his dad later, his dad looked straight at him and said, “that’s love son.” My husband shared that part of the story with me because he wanted me to know, how much he and his family appreciated that I was willing to do what was necessary to show him love.
People we love cannot fully understand all the ways we love and support them. Honestly, my husband has loved, appreciated, and supported me in countless ways. It’s not easy for him and it’s not easy for me, though our love does make it easier. Seeing that look on his face when I get him burritos or I go our of my way to help him, makes it completely worth it. He is worthy of love. He is worthy of my love and I am worthy of his. But guess what? To have that level of trust and love means we need to both work, both give even when it’s not convenient. I’m also not grabbing burritos for every person I meet and know. That’s not possible. I think people will sometimes believe that real love means being a doormat. That’s not true. But it is very complicated to figure out what is the very best for someone else. Do they need a burrito or an talk about understanding boundaries in a relationship? That’s not always easy to figure out and I’m still figuring out how to love my husband in the best way. It means being honest and letting him know when something is too much for me to do. And you know what? Because he loves me, that’s really what he wants me to tell him. Honestly.
In the Bible, we are told that no man can show greater love than to die for someone else. God isn’t telling us we do that all the time (obviously) because we can only die once. But it is a strong reminder, a litmus test to ask ourselves, “do I really love this person? Would I be willing to die for them?” It is a sobering thought, but I also argue that dealing with difficult situations every day is a type of love that is almost tougher, because it needs to be accomplished every day, not just a one time thing to check off a list. Are you worthy of love? Absolutely. You have a light in you that is deserving of honor, respect, and love. You need to protect that light, honor your own light, and realize that it needs a lot of care and support and love. From yourself and from others. Choose wisely the person that you love, because you are worthy of true love. Find that person that will get you your burritos, even if it is not easy for them. Just make sure you are willing to get them burritos too.